White Nationalist Really Cool Guy Once You Get To Know Him

While more than half of America was still asking themselves if they were dreaming, a group of white nationalists converged in the nations capitol over the weekend to celebrate Donald Trumps victory. Many media outlets were quick to condemn the celebration and its attendees for their hateful and violent rhetoric, but sources inside the movement say its not that simple.

Were really not bad guys, said John Johnson, frequent reader of Breitbart News. My buddy Dave [Duke] has a great sense of humor, for example. You should hear his Jew jokestheyre a real killer.

Hes not like, Hitler or anything, added Johnson. His lawyer is Jewish.

Were not all these terrible racists the liberal media makes us out to be, agreed Bill White, who wears a Confederate flag T-shirt underneath all his clothing and still refers to the Civil War as the War of Northern Aggression.

Indeed, the reported earlier this week that intellectual leaders of the movement argue that they are merely trying to realize their desire for a white ethno-state where they can be left alone, which they intend to accomplish by harassing and even attacking every single other person who is not white, heterosexual, or male.

Think of me as your lovable uncle, explained White. You know, the one who just harmlessly believes white people are superior to other races and longs for the good ol days where women were seen and not heard, and the only minorities were our property who existed for the sole purpose of working for us indefinitely?

Now, what’s so racist about that?