A letter to my elderly father, who doesnt seem to care about his sons
The letter you always wanted to write
You recently celebrated a significant birthday by dining out with a few friends but without your own family being invited or present. Sadly, you have becomea very isolated and lonely man and I wonder if you will ever make peace with your three adult sons before your life ends, or, forthat matter, theirs do.
I visit you each Christmas to deliver your present, but keep these meetings very brief to minimise the chances of departing with more emotional damage: the scrutinising about money and continual nit-picking about my achievements or lack of them. You lack the insight to realise that you do this, despite the fact that my two brothers ceased all contact with you many years ago.
Your whole life has been dedicated to the acquisition of money and property and in this single pursuit you have been very successful, now being worth many millions of pounds. Every waking hour you spend your time focusing on how you might make more money and every conversation you have is centred on money. Your personal evaluation of all people and family is in monetary terms. How much they earn, how much they spend and how much they have amassed.
For reasons we cannot understand, you have perpetuated the myth that you are a self-made millionaire who had a tough upbringing and hard struggle to get started in business. As testament to this, you have determinedly withheld even the most basic support to your offspring, including further-education fees. These untruths have destroyed all respect your sons and extended family ever held for you.
I recently shared a holiday with my uncle (your brother), who completely dispelled the myth that things had been so tough in your earlier years. Money was tight, but your father always paid you for the work you did on his farm. He paid a generous cash deposit on the mortgage for your first farm purchase in the 1950s. You were incredibly lucky to have received a large windfall soon after, when some of that land was earmarked for house building.
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In the early 1960s, your father advanced a large sum of money for you to acquire a second farm and your wealthy father-in-law frequently lent you equipment at no cost.
It is accepted by all who know you that two unsuccessful marriages took a heavy toll on your wellbeing and finances, especially the second one. However, the same common theme was evident in destroying these relationships. A meanness with resources, a lack of appreciation for others efforts, obsession with business matters and an inability to care and share with others.
Your three sons (now in their 50s) have successfully launched their own lives. We have good incomes, lovely homes and children. We have managed without your love and support and want for nothing. We enjoy good health, good relationships and derive huge pleasure from helping our offspring thrive and grow.
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Why has it been so hard for you to do the same?
It is never too late to build bridges and correct the mistakes of the past just try.
Anonymous